Fallen
by Detective Olivia Stabler
Summary: She was a fallen angel with a broken wing. But this time Olivia may just have been too far gone for Elliot to save her. Can he find a way to help his partner or will she slip right through his fingers? EO drama, lots of action and eventually romance.
1. 1 Salvation

_Fallen_

_(Chapter One: Salvation)_

Elliot stared up at the gun pointed at his face. He sat in the shower floor under the pouring water in the bathroom of a yacht owned by one of the biggest drug runners in North America and Olivia was now the man's girlfriend.

"Olivia, Don't! God, don't do this!" he pleaded as she stared at him down the barrel.

She watched as the steam of the hot water filled the room and she stared into his eyes.

"Shut the fuck up! Where is Mason?" She demanded.

"I don't know what you are talking about. You have to believe me."

"Don't talk to me like you know me! Tell me where he is!"

"I don't know where he is, lady! I have no idea…."

Elliot's sentence was cut short when Olivia closed her eyes and fired the gun hitting him in his right shoulder. Elliot groaned and grabbed his arm.

"Go get Nick," she ordered the two men behind her. "Now," she growled spinning around and aiming the gun at them. "I've got this! Go!"

Both men ran from the room to the upper deck to find the man in charge. Olivia kicked the door shut behind them and locked it. She dropped to the floor beside Elliot to inspect the wound.

"Give me the wire!"

"You fucking shot me!" He said staring at her in disbelief.

"It isn't fatal. And that is a lot less than what they are going to do if they find a wire on you! Give me the wire! We only have a minute!" She pushed her hands up under his shirt and ripped the wire from his chest then climbed onto the toilet pushing open the window and tossing it out into the water.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"You can thank me later."

"Thank you? You just lost the only contact we have with the outside world. Now we're all alone out here."

"I just saved both our lives. If they found that wire and realized we know each other, Nick would kill us both."

"Nick? Olivia, what the hell are you talking about? You are calling the man by his first name now?"

She pushed the window shut and turned her attention back to the bathroom door where the men now banged against the outside trying to get in to where she was. She picked up the gun and aimed it at Elliot once more.

"Tell me what you have done with Mason!" She shouted bringing the gun back and hitting him across the face with it just as the men kicked the door open and barged into the room.

Olivia spun around to see Nick standing behind her laughing.

"Feisty little thing, isn't she?" He said looking down at Elliot. "Put the gun down, baby. Let the guys take care of him."

"No!" she replied raising her weapon and placing it against Elliot's forehead. "He knows where Mason is and I don't want him killed until he talks! Promise me," she said looking back a Nicolai Deltorro, the Godfather of this operation. "Tell them not to touch him. Let me handle this," she ordered as Elliot worried she had taken this way too far and they were about to be made.

Nick stared at Olivia and then looked back at Elliot.

"Fine. You heard her," he said turning to look at his men. "No one messes with him until she gets what she wants. He knows where Mason is. I don't even want anyone in this room. Vinny, tie him up or something. We can't have him running around loose on board. Keep him back here and keep him contained. I want you on the bedroom door. Nobody gets past there. Just she and I. And when she says it is time…..take care of it."

Elliot watched as Nick slipped his hand into Olivia's and lead her toward the door.

"Why don't you come with me, baby? I will fix you a little something to help you relax. He will be just fine here for a little while. You can come back later and try again."

Elliot stared at the man as he brushed his fingertip against Olivia's cheek and stared into her eyes and he could tell by the way she was acting, things had gone a lot further than she had ever intended for them to go. She looked over her shoulder at Elliot as Nick pulled her toward the door and it closed again, leaving Elliot alone once more in the bathroom floor.

He sat there replaying the events that had just taken place and thought about the look in her eyes when they were alone. Olivia had been on the inside of this operation working side by side with the DEA for almost nine months now, posing as Nick's dead brother David's widow.

Nick and David had been arch rivals their entire lives and lucky for them Nick had never even met David's wife. So when he was killed in a take down nine months earlier and his wife was taken into custody, Olivia was sent in in her place to beg Nick to help her find her son Mason and bring justice from the men who murdered his brother.

In reality, she was their informant and was sending back information and helping to build the case against him and try to take down the operation from the inside. The real eighteen month old, Mason Deltorro, had been taken by child services and was now safe in foster care.

Olivia had been gone for nearly nine months and for the last six, the DEA had kept them out of the loop. Elliot decided he just couldn't take anymore and approached them demanding to know where she was. Somehow he managed to convince them to strap a wire on him and send him as a waiter at a dinner party being hosted by Deltorro for some of his business associates.

During the party Elliot strayed from the crowd in search of Olivia. Instead, he was found by Nick's men and beaten before being dragged away from the party. Olivia happened to see him and made him for a cop just moments before the men threw him into the shower and turned on the water. Standard procedure around here, when they are about to execute someone and want less mess to clean up. Olivia took the gun from the men demanding information about her son, Mason and creating a distraction, no doubt saving his life.

But it was what happened after that that was really troubling him. The way Nick looked at her when he pulled her from the room. The way he lead her away like he owned her. The way she made demands and he ordered his men to follow her wishes. This man believed without a doubt that she was with him. And Elliot worried what exactly it was that Olivia had to do to convince him.


	2. 2 Trapped

_Fallen_

_(Chapter Two: Trapped)_

The bathroom door opened and Elliot raised his eyes to see Olivia standing in front of him. She wore an extravagant ball gown, black over one shoulder and white over the other, the material blending perfectly together into the flowing skirt. Her hair was swept up, her makeup was flawless and each of her dangly diamond earrings could bring enough at auction to feed a small country.

"Take off your shirt," she demanded as she sat a stack of clean towels and dry clothes on the toilet lid.

Elliot sat up and stared at her as he unbuttoned his shirt.

"Olivia, what is going on here? Are you in trouble?"

"I have things under control. But if you keep meddling around her you are going to screw this all up and get us both killed. You never should have come here, Elliot."

"We hadn't heard any news from you in over three months. The DE…."

Olivia covered his mouth with her hand to stop his words as she leaned back into the opened bathroom door and looked over her shoulder.

"You need something ma'am?" The man at the door asked.

"I can handle this. I'm just cleaning up the wound. I wouldn't want him to die on us," she remarked with a sarcastic smile as she pushed the bathroom door shut.

"Are you crazy?" She whispered staring at him. "Do you want to be maimed and murdered and scattered in little pieces all over the East River? You talk about…..you know who. It just isn't safe."

"We didn't even know if you were still alive," Elliot whispered. "I had to find out if you were okay. This was the only way."

"I'm fine," she snapped as she exhaled deeply. "This was really stupid," she said as she poured antiseptic onto on of the towels and dabbed it over the bullet wound.

"We agree there," he laughed. "You shooting me…..horrible idea."

"The bullet went all the way through. It lodged in the shower wall. So, as long as we keep it clean, you will be just fine. I'm talking about you coming here. They expect me to kill you. Any idea how I am going to fake my way out of that one?"

"If you are in over your head then we should call in help."

"How?" She asked staring at him as her eyes filled with tears.

"What about the agent they already had inside?"

Olivia shook her head and as tears rolled down both of her cheeks.

"They made him," she whispered. "A couple of months after I came in. I watched them cut his throat. Then Nick had some of the guys go out and dump the body."

"You have been in alone all of this time?"

"I have it under control," she said again as she wiped away her tears.

"You have it under control? What do you do for him, Olivia?"

She looked up at him in disbelief.

"I don't see a man like Nicolai Deltorro dating a woman for nine months without getting something from her. You're sleeping with him, aren't you?"

Olivia couldn't bring herself to answer him. But Elliot could tell by the look on her face that not only was it true, but she was ashamed of it.

"God, Liv. We have to get out of here. We _both_, have to get out of here."

"I'm not leaving," she said softly.

"Olivia?"

"I have invested too much, now. I have lost too much of myself to walk away without closing the case," she whispered in tears once more. "I can't quit until it is over. Until Deltorro and his men are put behind bars where they belong. Because if I do….and they don't get him and put him away…..then I did it all for nothing. There is no way out for me. So, I'm not leaving."

Elliot wiped her tears softly from her cheeks with a bit of tissue.

"Olivia….God, just be careful. I think we have both seen what these men are capable of."

She nodded, but still refused to look him in the eye.

"I have to go," she said clearing her throat. "I'm late for dinner and we have guests. I am leaving the anesthetic here and a stack of clean towels in the linen closet. I asked them to put some clean clothes in the armoire. You should shower and clean that up put on some dry clothes and get some rest. Vinny is outside the door," she said pushing the bathroom door open to look at the man, "so don't try anything stupid. He will shoot you without hesitation. I will have the chef prepare you a tray, you should eat something. I will bring you something for the pain. I suggest you take this time to think about the information I asked you for. We will continue this conversation in the morning. But you should really start cooperating, because the only thing standing between you and Vinny, is me."

Elliot watched as she stood up and made her way to the door.

"Watch him. If he gives you any trouble, find me before you hurt him. Nobody makes a move on him without my say so."

"Yes ma'am."

"Thank you, Vinny."

Olivia made her way back up the stairs to the upper deck to join Nick and their guests for dinner.

"There's my girl," Nick said hooking his arm around her waist and kissing her.

He was always showing her off like a prized possession to all of his business associates. Olivia tried to avoid being involved in his business arrangements. She had seen far more than she ever wanted to. She had gathered enough evidence to put the entire group away in the first month she was in on this operation, but since she lost her one link to the outside world, she had no way of passing along the information the DEA needed to take them down. For now, it was a waiting game. One Olivia was growing very tired of playing.


	3. 3 One Way Out

_Fallen_

_(Chapter Three: One Way Out)_

It had been six days, he thought, since Olivia had locked him in the bathroom aboard this floating hell. So far, she had managed to keep Deltorro and his men from catching on to the fact that they were in this together. She had been bringing him food and carrying on pretend conversations about her nonexistent son for days now using the child as an excuse to keep the men from killing him, but Elliot wasn't sure how much longer she could keep up her little charade.

He listened to the sounds of arguing from the deck above him. He moved to stare out the window too small for anyone to crawl out and focused on the sound of Olivia's voice. Deltorro was shouting at her, he was tired of feeding the _stowaway _and wanted to dispose of him. Olivia argued that she hadn't gotten the information she needed from him, but this time Nicolai Deltorro didn't give a damn.

Elliot raised his head at the sound of Deltorro's hand meeting the soft flesh of Olivia's cheek in a firm smack. She was quiet for a moment and Elliot could feel the heat of his rage as it pulsed through his body, but from here there was nothing he could do to help her.

"You do not talk back to me," Deltorro shouted as she shook Olivia.

She stared into his eyes fighting back tears and praying her fear of him didn't show. She pressed her lips together nervously as the hand struck her once more, this time she felt the sting of a busted lip and tasted her blood as she stumbled backward and crouched against the wall staring up at him.

"He is gone tonight! Do you understand me?"

"Yes," she whispered nodding her head in agreement as tears began to stream slowly down her face.

"I can't hear you."

"Yes," she repeated more clearly. "I understand."

"Good," Deltorro replied cupping his hand against her cheek and tipping her head back to stare into her eyes. "You are so beautiful," he said leaning forward to kiss her.

Olivia flinched as the pressure of his kiss pressed against the wound. Deltorro pulled back and stared into her as he licked her blood from his lips.

"Everything about you tastes so sweet," he said with a devious smile as he traced her mouth with his index finger. "I still don't know how in the hell my brother ended up with a girl like you."

Olivia blinked at the sunlight in her eyes, but didn't respond.

"We'll return to Brooklyn tomorrow. But before we do, you are going with Max and Vinny to take care of this little mess you have down stairs. Make sure he is dead," he said looking at Vinny standing behind her.

"Yes, sir."

"Go get cleaned up, doll. Your make up is running and you're a wreck. Dinner is in an hour and I can't have people seeing you like this," he said turning her and nudging her toward the stairwell.

Olivia walked across the deck and ducked into the stairwell. A few steps down and she fell against the wall and burst into tears. She just couldn't hold it together anymore.

"Are you alright, ma'am?" A voice said from the stairs above her.

Olivia looked up from the step she sat on to see Vinny staring down at her. She cleared her throat and pulled herself to her feet as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Fine," she said drawing a deep breath.

"He didn't hurt you, did he?"

"Just bruises. I'll be fine, thank you."

"No problem, ma'am. Would you like me to have the maid lay out another gown for you for dinner?"

"I can get it, thank you though. I should go get cleaned up before…." she paused for a moment and stared into the eyes of the only man who had been any kind of friend to her since she had come here, "dinner."

"If you need anything, just let me know. I would be happy to get it for you."

"Actually, there is one thing."

"Yes?"

"Fix a plate for the man downstairs. I want to take it to him before dinner. I need to try one last time to find out what he knows about Mason. After tonight I will never know," she said softly. "And make it something nice, it is after all going to be his last meal."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Thank you. Vinny."

Olivia smiled at the man, then turned and walked into her room. Opened the closet and tossed one of many expensive gowns onto the bed, then made her way to the bathroom to get cleaned up. She pushed the door shut behind her and locked it as she stared at her reflection.

Olivia had expected to see her own face, but this bruised and battered woman staring back at her now was a complete stranger. She was weak and cowardly and did things no one would be proud of. She was nothing like the Olivia Benson the world used to know. Olivia Benson was a strong woman who knew exactly who she was. She was a tough streetwise cop who would never buckle under pressure.

She wet a washcloth with tap water and wiped away the blood and mascara that was smeared on her face. She tipped her head and wondered who this person really was. She raised her palm and placed it against the one in the mirror, she had never been so lost in her life. Olivia Benson would never stand there and let a man yell at her. She would kill a man before she let him strike her. And Olivia Benson would _never_ cross the line with a convicted drug dealer, let alone have sex with him every night for seven months.

She placed her hand into the makeup bag on the counter beside her and dug around in it until she felt the desired object in her hand. She twisted off the cap with her fingertips and poured it's contents out onto the counter. She stared once more at the stranger in the mirror. She was too far gone, she thought, there was no hope for her anymore. With that Olivia leaned down picking up a little straw from the counter beside the bag and inhaled the line of white powder.

Olivia brushed her fingertip against the place on the counter, then brought it to her mouth tasting the bitterness of the addiction. She looked up once more at the woman in the mirror as a single tear slid down her cheek. She sat on the edge of the counter and leaned her forehead against the glass waiting for the dose to kick in, waiting to feel anything or nothing, whatever was better than this constant pain that had somehow seeped into her soul. It was as if the real Olivia Benson had somehow become imprisoned behind the glass and could find no way out. She could see herself on the other side pleading to be released, but could find no way to free her.

She never would have thought that her life would have ever ended up this way. But it did. One too many undercover jobs had left her trapped with no way out. And her only escape from the things she had seen and the things she allowed this man to do to her every night, ironically was found in the same white powdery substance she had came here to stop him from distributing.

She moaned softly and closed her eyes for a moment or two then took a deep breath and reached for the make up bag. Nick liked her to look good for their guests and she had better get started on her makeup if she was going to have time to cover the deep purplish bruise that was starting to appear on her cheek. She fixed her hair and makeup, then stepped into an elegant black gown and walked toward the door.

Olivia carried a plate of food into Elliot's room. He stared at her waiting for her to look at him, but she refused.

"He hit you?" he scowled as she sat the food on the dresser.

"We have bigger problems," she said softly.

"He wants me gone before they dock tomorrow."

"Elliot, they are going to kill you. And I don't know how to stop it. He is sending me with them, tonight. After dinner, as soon as the sun sets, we will go for a drive. But you wont be coming back."

"Liv," he whispered placing his hand against her shoulder and staring into her eyes. "Don't cry. We'll find a way out of this. We always do."

"Not this time, Elliot. They will kill you and I will be alone again. Until he decides that I am too much hassle and he kills me too. And I can't help you."

Elliot stepped forward and wrapped her tight in his arms. He held her tight for a moment, only then realizing how much smaller she seemed.

"They have a gourmet chef onboard and they don't even feed you?" he joked trying to lighten the mood.

Olivia laughed and looked up at him.

"I eat. Actually, I have to go or I am going to be late for dinner. Nick hates it if I am late to dinner. And tonight of all nights, I really don't want to piss him off again."

"Hey," he said locking his fingers in hers and pulling her back to him.

"Yeah?" she replied forcing a smile and fighting back tears.

"If tonight really is my last night…."

"El, don't…"

"No, I want to say this. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You are my best friend. And there is no one else I would have rather worked with all of these years. If I don't make it out of this and….well, you do….make sure my kids know how much I love them."

"I will," she said as she closed her eyes for a second trying hard to fight off her tears.

"Olivia," he whispered as he brushed a tear from her cheek with his thumb.

She opened her eyes to stare into his, blue on brown.

"I love you," he said softly. "I have for as long as I can remember. And I know that you have probably known it for a while now."

"No," she replied with a nervous smile.

"Really? I thought it was pretty obvious. I cant count the number of times you caught me staring at you."

Olivia laughed.

Elliot laughed and looked down at the floor.

"Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that, should anything happen. I should have told you a long time ag…"

"Elliot, I love you, too."

"Wait…what?"

She smiled and leaned forward tipping her head slightly to the side and kissing him. Elliot felt his arms fall around her waist and draw her into him to deepen the kiss. When the kiss had ended Elliot held her in his arms for a few more minutes.

"I will think of a way to get you gout of this," she said as she looked up at him, "I have to."

"I know you won't give up without a fight," he said kissing her tenderly.

"You asked me why I came here, you said it was stupid."

"It was stupid."

"Now you know why. I could never leave you out here and just not know what was happening with you."

"It was stupid. But I was so happy to see you."

"God baby, I was happy to see you, too."

Olivia smiled a little embarrassed.

"What?" Elliot asked pulling her toward him again.

"Nothing," she said with a smile as she stared into his eyes.

"You don't want me to call you baby?"

"I guess it just sounds a little strange coming from you."

"Strange, huh?"

"Good strange. I could get used to it."

"If by some miracle we both do make it out of this alive, I'm going to ask you out."

"You are?" she asked with a smile."

"Yes, I am."

Elliot brushed the hair back on her forehead and kissed her once more.

"Good. Because if we both make it out of this alive, I'm going to say yes."

"I'm counting on it," he replied smiling as he leaned in and kissed her again.

Elliot felt her pull away from him as Deltorro's voice called out her name from the deck above them.

"I almost forgot about dinner. I have to go. He will kill us both for certain if he finds me here."

"Olivia," Elliot whispered.

She turned to look back at him and he kissed her passionately on last time. Moments later she pulled away and wiped her lipstick from his mouth with her thumb.

"I will think of something," she reminded him.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," she breathed then headed up the stairs.

Two hours later Elliot was dragged to the upper deck at gunpoint. The boat had docked and he wasn't exactly sure where they were. The man forced him into the trunk of a car and drove for the better part of an hour until they were even further into the middle of nowhere.

When they arrived the man pulled him from the car and Elliot watched as Vinny held the door open for Olivia to climb out of the car. The first man untied Elliot's hands and told him to go. Elliot looked back as the man loaded a handgun. He looked over at Olivia and she turned to face the other direction.

"No, no. The boss wants you to see this," he said turning her back around to face Elliot. "Go," he demanded once more as he glared at Elliot.

Elliot turned and walked out a few feet from where he had gotten out of the car.

"That is far enough," the man snapped as Elliot stopped walking. "You do it," he said grabbing Olivia by the arm and pulling her to his side. He placed the gun in her hand and pushed her forward. "Boss said you made the mess, you can clean it up. I was gonna do it for you, but maybe this way you will learn to let us handle things."

"Do you want me to do it?" Vinny asked.

Olivia looked back at him and shook her head nervously as she trembled.

"Run," she said as Elliot took off running.

"Fucking shoot him!" the first man yelled trying to grab the gun from her.

Olivia aimed the gun at Elliot's back and fired four shots one after the other, then watched him fall to the ground.

Max and Vinny just stood there in awe and stared at her.

"Well, I'll be damned. She fucking did it," Max said as Olivia walked slowly toward Elliot's motionless body.

She knelt beside him and rolled his body to look at his chest. But it wasn't moving. She slid her hand under his jacket and pulled it out covered in blood. She looked back at him and placed two fingers against his throat to feel for a pulse.

"He's dead," she said softly shaking so had the gun nearly fell from her hand.

"Let's get you back to the car. Max can take care of the body."

"We are in the middle of nowhere. The body can just stay right there. Wild animals will drag it off before dawn. By the time they find it there wont be much left," he said spitting a wad of tobacco into the dirt beside the body.

"Whatever," Vinny replied handing Olivia a towel to wipe the blood from her hands as she stood in shock. "You alright?"

"Yeah," she said softly as a tear slid down her cheep. "I have never killed anyone before."

"First one is always the hardest," Vinny said.

"Get's easier as you go," Max replied as he climbed back into the car.

"I wont do it again," she said looking up at Vinny as he held the door open for her.

"No ma'am," he replied closing the car door behind her.

He started the car and they disappeared into the night.


	4. 4 Broken

_Fallen_

_(Chapter Four: Broken)_

Olivia stared out the barred window of the place she now called home. It had been ten days since she had shot at Elliot and left him for dead and she was still living here inside her hell. Her mind was filled with thoughts of him, hoping he was alright and he had made it back to bring her help. He was her only hope now.

She reached forward and placed her hand against the bars on the window. The only way she could feel the sunshine on her face was through bars, for now anyway. Nick didn't let her go out away from this place and since they had just killed a government agent they were expected to lay low for a while. She now understood how it felt to be a bird in a cage, only able to stare out from behind her bars at the world around her. To look, but not touch.

The neighborhood they were in now was bad. Screams and the sounds of random gunfire echoes the streets and dealers were camped on nearly every corner, Nicolai Deltorro's dealers. In this neighborhood, he was the king and this place was his palace, though she had never heard of a castle with bars on the windows. The outside of the brick building was run down and covered in graffiti a real hell of the hood. But inside the run down building was an extravagant luxury apartment. Only the best for Nicolai Deltorro.

"You should really come away from the window. This isn't a safe neighborhood."

Olivia turned to see Vinny standing behind her in the doorway.

"Yeah. I guess I just miss being outside," she replied folding her arms and making her way to sit on the ten thousand dollar designer sofa. "I have been with Nick for ten months now and he has never brought me here."

"He has some business to take care of. We'll be moving again in a few days, to a place without bars."

Olivia smiled. "That will be nice."

"Is there anything I can get for you? To make you're stay here more comfortable?"

Olivia stared at the floor for a moment then looked up at him.

"Actually, there is something. Can you keep a secret?"

"In this line of work, I have had to keep a few."

"This one is big," she replied with a worried look in her eyes.

"Yes, ma'am."

She walked to the desk and wrote something on a slip of paper, then folded it in half.

"It is important," she said as she placed the paper in his palm. "And it needs to stay between us. At least for now."

"Yes, ma'am."

Vinny walked toward the door as he unfolded the note and read what she had written. He stopped in his tracks and looked back at her with tears in her eyes as he realized the trouble she was in.

Olivia's heart pounded so hard she thought she would throw up as she stared into his eyes.

"Don't worry. I will take care of this," he replied folding the slip of paper back up and putting it into his jacket pocket. "I'll be back in a couple of hours to check in on you."

"Thank you," she said softly as she returned to her seat on the sofa and tried to forget her terrible secret.

Olivia awoke a few hours later to the sound of her name being called from across the hall. She opened her eyes and looked around for a moment forgetting where she was and the circumstances that had brought her here. She sat up and rubbed her eyes as she stretched.

"I'm in here, Vinny. I must have fallen asleep here on the sofa."

She looked up as he appeared around the door frame.

"Did you get…"

"Yes, ma'am," he replied handing her a small paper bag.

"And you are sure no one knows?"

"No one."

"Good."

She took a deep breath and peered into the bag.

"I guess now is as good a time as any," she said softly removing the box from inside and moving down the hall for a little privacy.

Olivia stepped into the bathroom and locked the door behind her. She stared at herself in the mirror for a moment. She had never been more terrified in her life than she was at this moment and she had a feeling deep in the pit of her stomach that things were only going to get worse.

She opened the end of the box and pulled the little white tester from the package.

"Now is as good a time as any," she repeated aloud to herself as she began to read the instructions of the pregnancy test.

A few minutes later she opened the door and walked toward her bedroom. But standing between her and the door was Nick.

"Hey doll, what are you up to?"

"Nothing," she replied with a smile. "A little tired, I thought maybe I would take a nap before dinner."

"No time. We're going out tonight."

"Oh, I should start getting ready."

She stepped forward in an attempt to get around him and into the room where she could lock the door and be alone.

"What have you got there?"

"Nothing, I… umm…."

But it was too late. Nick was up in her face and he backed her down the hall as he reached behind her and jerked her hand around to see the object she held in her palm.

"I was going to wait until I knew for sure to tell you. I wanted it to be a surprise."

Nick didn't even look at the stick before he hit her. Olivia felt the sting of flesh on flesh as his hand met her face once more. She stood there in pain and stared up at him, wanting badly to run, but knowing this would be much worse if the did.

Nick pushed her hard and continued to kick and punch her violently as Olivia backed away in an attempt to escape him. When he had backed her into the corner he kicked her in the stomach over and over. Olivia cried and begged and pleaded with him to stop, but it only seemed to make matters worse.

Finally he just turned and walked away, leaving her a broken mess at the end of the hall. Olivia gasped through her tears and looked at the blood in the floor around her. She tried to stand, but couldn't. It hurt to much to move. Even breathing hurt. She curled into a ball on the hardwood floor and gasped trying to catch her breath as her tears began to stink her face.

She heard the echo of footsteps in the hall and closed her eyes to pray it wasn't Nick coming to finish her off. She laid there unarmed and defenseless in the most pain she had ever felt in her entire life as she opened her eyes to see shiny black shoes standing in front of her.

Olivia stared ahead and didn't move as Vinny knelt beside her. He brushed her hair back and looked into her eyes.

"Let's get you back to you're room," he said softly as he attempted to help her up.

Olivia whimpered in pain.

"Can you stand?"

She gasped and groaned as he helped her to her feet.

"It's alright now," he said lifting her into his arms and carrying her to her bed.

Olivia groaned in pain and tears streamed down her face as he smoothed his hand over her rib cage.

"You have a least a couple of broken ribs," he said softly as he laid the pregnancy test on the nightstand beside the bed.

"Oh God," she whimpered as she began to cry a little harder.

"It's negative," he replied holding it for her to see. "He beat you for nothing."

Olivia took the test from his hand.

"I guess this is a good thing, huh?" she whispered.

"You should try to get some rest," he replied propping some pillows around her to make her more comfortable. "I'm going to be right outside that door if you need anything," he said pulling a bottle of water from the mini bar across the room and handing her some aspirin for the pain. "I will be right here in two seconds. I'll be in and out checking on you and I will bring you some dinner a little later."

"Okay," she whispered barely able to speak at all. "Thank you."

Vinny nodded as he tucked the blankets around her and stepped outside the room to stand guard.

About half an hour later Olivia opened her eyes to hear Vinny and Nick arguing outside the door. She pulled the blanket in around her and just listened for a moment.

"She needs a doctor," Vinny demanded.

"I'm not bringing a doctor here! And she isn't leaving!"

"She has at least a couple of broken ribs and she is having trouble breathing! She is in pain and she could die!"

"She is a whore! And she stays right there until I say otherwise! DO you understand me?"

"You beat her for no reason!"

"I had my reasons! The mouthy little bitch has had it coming for a while now! And now this? She needed to be taught a lesson!"

"You showed her, didn't you?"

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means you beat her almost to death because you thought you knocked her up! And she wasn't even pregnant!"

"You are crossing a line here and I suggest you step back to your side of it! The only reason I am even allowing you to speak this freely is because you have been with me over twenty years! Hell, we were kids together! But consider this your warning! The next time you cross that line, _I_ will _kill_ you myself!" And with that Deltorro straightened his tie and turned making his way down the hall. "And Vinny?"

"Yes?"

"Since Olivia wont be presentable enough to join me for dinner, make sure they chef fixes something up for her."

"Yes, sir."

* * *

_**SEVERAL HOURS LATER….**_

Olivia's eyes fluttered open and she looked around the room unsure of her surroundings. She was in pain still, but not nearly as much as she had been before. She looked down at the IV taped against her skin and moaned softly feeling a bit hung over. She reached up and pressed the little red call button/

Moments later a doctor appeared at the foot of her bed as a nurse checked her vital signs.

"Where am I?" Olivia asked as she stared at the man's white coat and tried to remember the events that had landed her in the hospital.

"You are in Manhattan. Can you tell me your name?"

"My name is…" she paused for a moment unsure who to trust, "Olivia. Where is Nick?"

"Olivia, who is Nick? Is he a husband or family member? Would you like us to contact him and let him know where you are?"

"No!" She smoothed her hand over her forehead and took a deep breath.

"Okay, we wont call Nick. Is there someone you would like for me to call? You have some pretty severe injuries. X-rays show four broken ribs, a partially collapsed lung and a lacerated liver. We need to get you into surgery as soon as we can. This should have been done yesterday, but we had to get you stabilized first. I would like to be able to call someone to be here for you."

The doctor pulled a notepad and a pen from his pocket and handed them to her. Olivia looked blankly at him for a moment then reached for them as she wrote down a phone number and that was all.

"Can you tell me your name?"

"Olivia," she said softly as she stared at the wall across the room afraid that somehow if she told him anything else Nick would find her and finish her off. "It's just, Olivia."

"That will do for now," he said looking over at the nurse. "Have someone get her prepped for surgery," he said handing her the phone number. "Call this number and let them know that we have an Olivia here incase someone is looking for her."

He looked back at her laying there in the bed.

"Olivia, can you tell me your blood type?"

"A positive."

"That helps a lot, Olivia. Thank you."

* * *

The next time Olivia opened her eyes it was dark in the room. She looked around and could see the shadow of a man sitting in a chair against the wall watching her.

"Vinny," she mumbled softly as she raised up a little in her bed.

"No, Liv. It's me," she heard softly as Elliot's face came into view.

She gasped as she felt tears begin to fall from her eyes.

"I wasn't sure I would ever see you again. Are you alright?"

Elliot smiled.

"I will be just fine."

"I am so sorry that I shot you."

"You had to or they would have killed us both. But the only one shot that did hit me was a flesh wound. It bled a lot and hurt like a bitch, but it wasn't fatal. The other three shots went around me. If I didn't know you were the best shot in the department I might think you had horrible aim."

"I didn't really want to kill you," she said tipping her head to stare into his eyes.

Elliot smiled again and kissed her tenderly.

"I know. If you did, I would have been dead."

"I waited for you," she said softly.

"We tried to find you. It was like Deltorro disappeared off the face of the earth. We had people all over Brooklyn looking for him….looking for you. Liv, what happened? He did this to you, right?"

"Yes. He caught me with a pregnancy test. I guess he wanted to make sure there was no baby, so he beat me until I could barely breathe."

"Olivia, I am so sorry."

"The test was negative, Elliot. There never was a baby. Thank God."

"Liv, he nearly killed you."

"I don't even know how I got here. I went to sleep back in Brooklyn in Deltorro's apartment and woke up in this hospital bed."

"You were dropped off in front of the hospital."

"Dropped off?"

"They reviewed the security cameras."

"It was Vinny?"

"Yes, very late last night. Well, about four o'clock this morning. And it is a good thing he did. A few more hours and you would have bled out internally."

"He always kind of tried to help me."

"Olivia, there is more."

She looked up at him.

"A body was found in the East River this morning with a single gunshot to the head."

"It was him?"

"I'm afraid so. I guess Deltorro didn't like him bringing you in."

"Vinny is dead. Nick killed him," she repeated in disbelief.

"Vinny risked his life to save yours."

"He knew if he crossed Nick he would be killed. But he brought me here anyway. Have they found Nick?"

"They tracked down the place in Brooklyn, but he and his men were gone already. They got the yacht though and I told them where to find the evidence you hid. There is enough there to put Deltorro and his men away for a very long time. Customs got a tip that they might be headed for Cuba."

"Cuba?"

"The DEA has men trying to cut them off at the pass. Once they get off US grounds we have no authority over them anymore."

"And he will just get away with it?"

"They are trying to catch him, Liv. Until they do, there is a guard sitting right outside this door. And I am staying right here."

Olivia smiled softly and locked her fingers in his.

"You know, you still owe me a date."

"I do. And I intend to keep that promise. I am holding out for something a little more romantic than a hospital bedside dinner and orange Jell-O, but if your doctor says it is alright I might be able to arrange for a cheeseburger or something. You look like you have not had one of those Philly steak sandwiches for a while. You love those."

"You're right, I haven't. And that sounds really good."

Elliot kissed her once more.

"Right now you should get some rest. I will be right here in the morning when you wake up," he said as he kissed her again. "I just got you back and I am not about to leave you again."

"Good," she said with a soft yawn.

Elliot kissed her forehead and returned to his chair to watch protectively over her as she slept.


	5. 5 Lost

_Fallen_

_(Chapter Five: Lost)_

Olivia opened her eyes and looked around the hospital room. She smiled a little as she noticed Elliot sleeping in a chair beside her. She exhaled slowly and groaned as she attempted to out the IV taped to the top of her left hand.

"Shit," she mumbled softly at the sting dropping the IV onto the bed.

Olivia lowered the bedrail and scooted to the edge placing her feet against the cold floor. She stood up feeling the wobbly weakness of her legs beneath her and held to the bed for support. She looked back at Elliot once more as she slowly made her way to the bathroom.

Stepping inside she pulled the door shut behind her, careful not to wake her partner. Olivia stood in front of the mirror and stared at the stranger looking back at her. After a few moments she picked up the little plastic wrapped tooth brush the hospital staff had given her and unwrapped it.

As she turned to put the tooth brush away she noticed in the mirror. On a chair behind her was a pile of the clothing she had been wearing when she was dropped off in front of the emergency room almost hours before.

Olivia spun around and knelt beside the chair as she began to riffle through her clothing.

She tipped her head to look up from the floor as she heard Elliot clear his throat behind her.

"Are you looking for this?" He asked holding up the small glass vile that once held her cocaine.

"Give me that," she snapped standing and pulling it from his fingers.

"So, it's true then? You are strung out on this shit?"

"Where did you get this? You go through my stuff now?"

"The nurse found it in your pocket when you came in. They were looking for some form of identification. They knew I was a cop, so they turned it over to me."

Olivia glared at him as she twisted the cap off the vile. As she did Elliot stepped forward pulling the vile from her hand and dumping its contents into the toilet, then flushed it.

"Not on my watch," he said dropping the empty vile into the floor and watching the look of desperation in her eyes as she crawled across the floor after it.

"It is empty, Elliot! What the Hell did you do?"

"Call it a wake up call!"

"You had no right!"

"You have a problem, Olivia. That shit will kill you!" he shouted grabbing her wrist and pulling her to look him in the eye, before he even realized he had put his hands on her.

Olivia flinched and he could see tears welling up in her eyes. Obviously, she was not the same person she once had been. Nearly ten months of living with hardened criminals had forced her to become someone new, it had hardened her as well. This woman staring back at him now was someone Elliot didn't like. But deep inside her eyes he could see his Olivia there cowering in a darkened corner of her mind too afraid to come out. Elliot had to find a way to reach her and help her before it was too late to save her.

"I am not going to hurt you Olivia," he said in a calm voice. "But I can't allow you to hurt yourself anymore, either. You're my best friend. I love you too much to let this go on."

Olivia jerked her hand away from him. Holding to the counter she pulled herself to her feet and turned away from him. Elliot watched her reflection in the mirror as she hung her head in shame realizing what had just taken place and began to cry.

"Liv…"

"Go away," she said softly.

"Olivia?"

"Go!" She shouted turning to glare at him. "Get out of here! Don't you dare stand there and look at me like I am some drug addicted crack whore! Get out!" She shouted throwing anything she could get her hands on at him as she broke down.

Elliot backed out of the bathroom and walked out the door of her hospital room.

Olivia sat in the tiny room alone for several minutes and cried. Her life was spiraling out of control and she had never felt more lost in her life. She stood in front of the mirror and ran the black plastic comb through her hair, trying to make sense of everything that had gone on around her these last few months.

She exhaled and walked back out to her bed.

_**THREE DAYS LATER….**_

Olivia climbed out of the back seat of the taxi and handed the driver some cash the receptionist had given her for cab fare. She stood on the sidewalk in front of her building and just stared at it for a minute.

This place was her home once, but it all seemed so strange to her now. This building and that apartment, they were unfamiliar to her now. For nearly ten months she had lived in the finest places drug money could buy, wearing only the best clothing by the best designers and eating the finest foods. Compared to all of that, this place was a dump. Strangely enough, this dump was her heaven. Or the closest thing she had seen in the last ten months anyway. It was an escape from the hell she had been living in for so long.

She exhaled slowly and stared at the front door of the building. There was a maintenance man on the stoop painting the trim over the door and he looked back at her and smiled. Olivia forced a weary smile as she walked up the steps and stepped into the door he had propped open.

"Welcome back, Ms. Benson. I haven't seen you around here in a while."

"No, I was away."

"Yeah, the super asked me to check in on the apartment now and then. Just to make sure everything was alright. I changed the batteries in the smoke detectors, stuff like that. I didn't mess with anything though, I give you my word."

"I trust you…. Charlie," she replied glancing at the name patch on his work shirt because she honestly didn't remember this man. "Do you think you could let me inside? I seemed to have misplaced my key."

"Sure I can. I'm really not supposed to. But I know who you are, I guess it will be alright this once. But you should really call the super and have him drop by a copy of the key," he said as the elevator doors opened on the fifth floor.

"Oh, I will. Thank you Charlie," Olivia replied as he unlocked the apartment door and watched as she stepped inside.

"Everything alright, ma'am?" he asked studying the nervous expression on her face. "Would you like me to do a walk through first? Check it out, just in cast?"

"That really wont be necessary," she said with a smile.

"Of course not. You being a cop and all."

"Thank you, Charlie, for everything you have done."

She stepped inside and turned on the living room light. The air was still and heavy and you could tell by the smell of the place it hadn't been lived in in a while.

"No luggage?" Charlie asked thinking out loud.

"What?"

"Just an observation, really. You went away for months, the better part of a year. And you didn't bring anything back?"

"There was nothing worth bring back," Olivia breathed as she looked around her apartment once more.

"I'm sorry ma'am, I didn't mean to pry. I'm gonna get goin and leave you alone, now. But I'll be working around the building for a few more hours. If you need anything just give me a call."

"I will, thanks."

Olivia stood there with stupid fake smile on her face as she watched him walk out the door. She walked back to the back of the apartment, turning on every light as she went and searching for boogymen. But she was alone now. She opened the dresser and pulled out an old tee shirt and a pair of boxer shorts, then picked up the cordless phone from the night stand.

"Yes, Mr. Blane, this is Olivia Benson. I have just returned home and seemed to have misplaced my key. I was wondering if maybe you could drop by a copy and just add it to next months rent. Thank you."

She hung up the phone and walked into the bathroom. She started a hot shower and just stood there under it for what seemed like hours. She picked up the shampoo bottle and just smelled it, trying to remember how her life felt before all of this chaos had taken control over her. She reached up with her foot and flipped the knob to close off the drain to the bath tub. She shampooed her hair and turned off the shower allowing the hot water to fill the bathtub around her.

Olivia twisted her wet hair up into a clip and reached under the sink sprinkling bath salts into the steamy heat of the water. She exhaled deeply as she sunk slowly into the water. Tipping her head back against the back of the tub she placed a hot, wet wash cloth over her face and closed her eyes, somehow hoping to forget about all of the shitty things that had taken place these last ten months.


	6. 6 Help

_Fallen_

_(Chapter Six: Help)_

Olivia twisted a towel around her hair and tucked the ends into place as she made her way down the hall to the living room. She stopped at the end of the hall for a moment to stare at an intrusive object on her sofa.

"Really? Elliot, I am not in the mood for another one of your lectures on how badly I have fucked up my life. You are not my mother, thank God for that. I don't think I could handle another one."

"I didn't come here to fight."

She took a deep breath and folded her arms in front of her.

"Then why are you here?"

Elliot held up his hand and dangling from his palm was a silver key ring with three keys on it.

"I thought maybe you could use these."

"Where did you find them?"

"You turned them in to Cragen before you left. You don't remember?"

"You can drop them on the table by the door on your way out," she said as she leaned forward and opened her towel rubbing it against her hair.

"Olivia, come on. Don't be this way."

"No! Look, I have a lot of things to sort out and God knows what a mess my life is right now. The last thing I need is to have you judging me in my own home. So I am asking you to please leave."

Elliot stared into her eyes knowing she was about to break down again, but he didn't budge.

"Not this time. I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me."

"You're an ass," she snapped as she walked back down the hall and slammed the bedroom door.

Elliot exhaled.

"Stubborn," he grunted as he took a seat on the sofa to wait it out.

EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO

Nearly an hour later Elliot still sat alone in her living room. He took a deep breath as he stood and walked slowly down the hall toward the bedroom. He tapped lightly on the door as he pushed it slowly open.

"Olivia," he almost whispered. "Liv, please talk to me."

She was stretched out on the bed facing the other direction and he could tell she had been crying.

"I'm sorry that I yelled at you," she said softly without turning to look at him. "My head is killing me and I ache everywhere. I get so angry and I don't know why."

"It's withdrawal. From the coke. Moodiness and irritability are symptoms. So are the cocaine cravings, excessive sleep and depression."

"It has been out of my system for days," she said turning to face him.

"The pain medications they gave you in the hospital after surgery probably helped hold off the withdrawal. Now those have been reduced and your body is still trying to level itself out. The actual drug stays in your system for about seventy two hours, but it can take a while before this is over."

"How do you know so much about this? I mean what they covered in my training was so generic."

"I googled it."

Olivia laughed as Elliot wiped away some of her tears with his palm.

"You googled it?"

"I did. What do you think I have been doing for the last few days while you weren't talking to me? I was trying to find a way to help."

"I was such a bitch to you. I don't know why you came back."

"What kind of best friend would I be if I walked away when you needed me the most?"

"But the things I said to you…."

"You're scared. I know that. I'm scared too. But I am not going anywhere. I'm your best friend and partner, for better or worse….it's you and me. We're a team, Liv. I would do anything for you."

"I know that," she said softly with a smile.

"Yeah? And if the situation were reversed…."

"I wouldn't leave either. No matter what you threw at me," she laughed. "I'm gonna lose my job," she said as another tear slipped down her cheek.

"We don't know that."

"I have a drug addiction, Elliot. They are not going to let me work. What am I going to do?"

"Look at me. Look me in the eye and tell me right now….is this what you want? Are you ready to kick this drug habit? Because me telling you to do it isn't enough. That wont work. You are never going to kick this until you want to give it up. What do you want?"

"I want this. I want to get my life back in control. I want things to go back to the way they were before. I am not proud of myself, Elliot. I'm ashamed of what I have become. And I want to change that."

"Then I will do everything I possibly can to help you. And I think the first thing we should do is go talk to Cragen."

Olivia's eyes widened and she shook her head.

"Maybe I can do this without him finding out."

"No, Liv. You are going to need some time. You can't just run back to work and poof everything is back to the way it was before. And if you don't say something now and they find out later it is just going to be worse."

"Elliot, Cragen is our boss! That is a sure way to lose my job!"

"He is also your friend. He cares about you and I think that if you and I go together and talk this over with him he will try to help. He can tell you what you need to do to make this right as far as work. There may not be anything he can do to help, but I am sure he will try. And at least this way if the big shots find out about it and cause a shit storm, at least he knows to expect it."

"What is going to happen to me?"

"You are going to survive. You are going to get clean and be back on your feet in no time. You are strong, Olivia. Stronger than Nicolai Deltorro will ever know. You are going to recover and you will bounce back, because you are resilient like that. You are not alone in this."

"Thanks, El."

"No problem, sweetheart. Now what do you say I order us some dinner and we can try to work out a plan?"

"Or I could cook. To try and make up for being so mean to you."

Elliot smiled.

"As good as that sounds, I can't let you do that."

"Why not? You used to like it when I cooked."

"Oh, it isn't that. You don't have any food here. About two weeks after you left I came over and threw out anything that might spoil. You don't even have a stick of butter."

"You threw out my butter?"

"Hey, I don't know how long that stuff lasts and I have no idea when you would be coming back."

"Good to know you had my back."

"I'll always have your back."

Olivia looked up at him with tired eyes.

"Do you think I need rehab?"

"I think we should check into some options and then you can decide the best plan of action, choose what is right for you."

"Elliot."

"Yes, Liv."

"Thank you. For helping me and for putting up with me. I know I don't always make it easy."

"Yeah well, to know you is to love you."

Olivia smiled.

"We'll figure it out, Liv. You have more friends and support than you could ever imagine."

EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO

"You what?" Cragen said trying to hide the disappointment in his voice knowing how much it took for her to even come to him.

"Don't yell at her!" Elliot barked at his boss.

Cragen shot Elliot a go to hell look.

"You knew about this and you didn't see fit to mention it before now?" Cragen snapped back at him.

"He didn't know," Olivia said softly with tears in her eyes. "I didn't even tell him. The nurses at the hospital did. I thought I could handle it."

"Handle it…you thought you could handle it? You call this _handling_ it?" he shouted leaning over the desk to look down over her forgetting for a moment that this was Olivia he was shouting at and all of the things she had probably been through in the last few months.

"Don't yell at her!" Elliot growled again slamming his palms down on Cragen's desk. "She isn't asking you to accept it. She is not even asking you to condone it! She came here today to tell you that she has a problem and ask for your support in getting help for it!"

"This was a mistake," Olivia said standing from the chair in front of Cragen's desk as a tear rolled down her cheek.

"No. You did the right thing," Cragen grumbled really feeling like the dick he had been to her. "Elliot is right. I'm in the wrong here. I never should have raised my voice to you and I'm sorry. This just isn't the kind of thing I ever would have expected to hear come from your mouth."

"I know. I don't know exactly how I got to where I am now. I just need to figure out where to go from here. I have been clean for four days now. How do I make this right? I made a horrible mistake and now I am afraid that I am going to end up losing my career over it," she said as she began to cry.

"Sit back down Liv and lets talk about this."

"I just want to know what I can do. Do I have a chance to recover from this or is my career just finished? If this gets out….they wont let me work anymore, will they?"

She watched as Cragen took a deep breath and leaned back in his chair to think about it for a minute.

"Obviously you shouldn't have done it. But you have stepped forward to take responsibility for your actions. Olivia, I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but I think we should take this all the way to the top."

"You want me to tell them?"

"If you don't mention this now. Even if you are clean and IAD goes snooping around later and drags all of this up, it is going to look like you tried to cover it all up. This isn't the kind of secret you want looming around over you for the rest of your life. I will set an appointment and you and I will go in together and talk to them."

"What are they gonna do to me?"

"Probably suspension of some sort and they will require you to complete rehab before returning to the force."

"I am willing to do that."

"They will probably ask for a psyche evaluation and want to set you up with the department shrink. When you do return it will be on probation."

"I really screwed up bad. I know that. But I am better than this. I love what I do. And I'm a good cop."

"You're a damn good cop! But they are not going to let you go without jumping through a few hoops. But the fact that you came forward and admitted to your mistake, that you are taking responsibility for your actions I think will definitely help you out. You have provided years of service to the department, your numbers are good and your jacket is spotless. These are all things that will weigh in your favor. I cannot say that you will get probation for sure, but I think there is a good chance. I will try and get us an appointment for sometime on Monday."

"What do I do until Monday?"

"Get some rest. Take some time for you. I know you well enough to know that you didn't just up and decide to do cocaine one day. I assume there is more to all of this."

Olivia raised her eyes to look at him feeling so ashamed.

"I'm not going to try and make you tell me. But I really think that you should take advantage of this department shrink."

"Everything they write down during our sessions will go into my file."

"Then maybe you should think about seeing someone privately. But find someone to talk this out with, Olivia. You don't want this mess eating you up inside. You have plenty of personal and vacation time saved up. Take some. And don't come back until you know you are ready. My first concern here is you. I am so sorry honey, for the way things worked out in this assignment. Things went bad, very bad and you did what you had to do to survive. I understand that. And no one here judges you for the decisions you made. As for the matters we have discussed in this room….they will not leave this room. No one outside that door will find out unless they get the information from you. The big shots will want to try and keep it contained as well, so I am sure that our little meetings will be conducted with confidentiality. I want to apologize again for the way I reacted when you told me. I know that coming to me and admitting this wasn't an easy thing to do, it took a lot of courage. I was shocked Olivia, but I don't judge you. And if there is anything else you need, you just let me know. I offer you my full support."

"Thank you," she said softly as she stood once more.

"Take the time to heal, Olivia. Physically and emotionally. I don't want you to be in a big rush to get back."

"I won't."

Elliot walked with Olivia back to the elevator.

"What do you say you let your partner buy you lunch?" he asked as she blinked her chocolate eyes at him.

"I thought you had to get some work done?"

"I can just take it home and work on it later. There are more important things going on right now."

Olivia smiled.

"Lunch sounds good, but you know I'm not going to be okay. You don't have to hold my hand or baby sit me. I'm not gonna do anything stupid. Well, _anything else _stupid."

"I know that. But I thought maybe I could just keep you company for a few more days until all of this withdrawal stuff is over and you are feeling better. I'm here if you want to talk."

"I know El, I'm just not ready yet."

"When you are….you know you can talk to me about anything."

"I know. And you don't know how grateful I am to have a friend like you in my life. I need you more than you could ever know."

"You have me," Elliot replied tucking a strand of dark hair behind her ear and kissing her forehead. "You always have me."

Olivia smiled as tears welled in her eyes once more, this time for a very different reason.


	7. 7 Return To Me

_Fallen_

_(Chapter Seven: Return To Me)_

"I still remember the first time he touched me," Olivia began as she stared down at her shoes.

The entire idea of telling her most intimate secrets to a complete stranger scared the hell out of her, but at this point she really couldn't see how she had anything left to lose.

"Go on," the doctor's motherly voice urged her.

"I'm not sure I can do this. I don't even know you. Isn't there something else you would rather talk about?"

"What _do_ you want to talk about?"

Olivia pressed her lips together nervously as she pondered the question for a moment….certainly not her random drug addiction and the months of sex she had with a convicted drug dealer and murderer. She didn't want to talk about that stuff ever again. Not to this woman, not to Elliot, not to anyone. She just wanted it all to disappear and she didn't see how going over the graphic details of the events could make it go away or make it any less real.

"Olivia?"

"I don't know. But not this."

"Okay. Then let's talk about something else in your life, something positive. Do you want to tell me about your family? Maybe that is a good place to start."

"I don't have any."

"None?"

"No. My mother was an alcoholic. A few years ago during one of her drinking binges she had a little too much, fell down some stairs and died."

"And how did that make you feel?"

"I didn't celebrate, if that is what you are asking. I dealt with it. It was a bad time in my life, but I accepted it and I moved on."

"What about your father?"

"I don't have one."

"He wasn't around?"

"Long enough to rape my mother and get her pregnant. That would be the reason she chose to drink. If you want to write that down," Olivia said staring at the woman.

"We don't have to do this if you don't want to. You came in here on your own. You called me. You asked me to help you. But I cannot do that if you shut me out and don't tell me what it is you need me to help you with."

Olivia took a deep breath and exhaled.

"It is just so…."

"Embarrassing? Frustrating? Something you are ashamed of?"

"Personal," Olivia said tilting her head to study the look on the woman's face. "I don't even know you and you are asking me to tell you details of my sex life and drug abuse."

"I am asking you to open up to me about whatever it is that is bothering you."

"I guess I am just more of a private person. I don't know how to talk about this with a stranger."

"Is there someone in your life that you trust?"

"Elliot."

"Tell me about him."

"He is my best friend. He's my partner and the one person I know with out a doubt that I can count on."

"And you trust him?"

"With my life."

"With your heart?"

Olivia looked confused. She came here to talk and this woman seemed more interested in making a love connection.

"Do you trust him, Elliot, enough to confide in him?"

"Yes. Well, about most things."

"About this?"

"He knows about it. I tell him everything."

"Is it easier for you to talk to him, than it is to talk to me about it?"

"Well, Elliot doesn't know all of the details."

"But you tell him everything."

"I told him what happened. But I can't go into detail about it with him."

"You don't think he would sit down and help you talk through this?"

"I know he would, if I asked him to. But I don't think I can."

"Why not, Olivia? Elliot it your partner, he is your best friend, he cares very deeply about you. You trust him. Why can't you tell him about this?"

"Because I don't want him to know," she said as tears rose in her eyes. "I….I don't want him to…."

"To what?"

"To look at me like some drug addicted whore."

"Do you think Elliot would think of you like that?"

"I don't know. I have done some really bad things."

"Does he normally judge you for your mistakes?"

"No."

"Then what makes you so sure he would now?"

"Because I disappointed him. He is ashamed of me. I am ashamed of my self."

"You really think he is ashamed of you?"

"I don't know," she sobbed as she shook her head. "I don't know how he would be. I really screwed up."

"But you are here. And you are trying to make this right. That right there shows me that you are stronger than your mistakes."

"I can't change it. I can't make it go away."

"No. But you can learn from it. And you can heal. And do you know what I think?"

Olivia raised her eyes to meet the woman's.

"I think that Elliot cares about you enough to know that you were really scared and you made some mistakes. I think that he would want to help you to get past whatever this is that has you sitting here in tears on the sofa refusing to talk about it with a stranger. You are still afraid. What ever it was that you did, whatever it was that was so bad….you still have not let it go. Honey, it seems to me the only one placing blame here is yourself."

"Do you really think me talking about it will make it better?"

"I don't think it could hurt. I think maybe it could help you to better understand what you were going through emotionally and why you did what you chose to do. And that is a good place to start to forgive."

"Forgive?"

"Forgive yourself. And when you can do that, you still start to heal. Right now you can't get past this because you are blaming yourself."

"So I should talk about it?"

"If you want to. I can just listen, if you'd like."

"Okay."

"You still remember the first time he touched you…."

Olivia slid back and settled into the thick plush of the sofa and closed her eyes.

"I had been in under cover for a little while posing as the widow of his brother David. David's real widow had been taken into custody in a dug bust and her young son placed in foster care. The DEA needed someone on the inside and the guy they had in wasn't much help. It seemed like the perfect in. It was only supposed to be a couple of weeks."

Olivia cleared her throat and took another deep breath.

"I wish now that I had just walked away. Week turned into months. And the things I witnessed….they were horrible. He sold drugs to dealers who sold them on the streets to children. God only knows how many bodies Deltorro has on him. Shortly after I got in, they made the DEA agent that was in with me and I watched Nick cut his throat. I watched him murder that poor man and I didn't do anything about it."

"What would have happened if you had tried to stop them?"

Olivia was quiet for a moment.

"They would have killed me, too."

"You had no choice," she explained.

"One night we were on the yacht, it was after dinner and we were docked somewhere in the middle of nowhere. Nick put his arm around me and promised me that he would take care of me. He thought I was his brother's widow. I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and I knew then what he was really saying."

"What was that?"

"He was making it clear that he owned me. Or her. But in this place we were one and the same. I was her. And if I wanted to stay alive that was how it was going to have to stay. Over the next few days I noticed him watching me and making little comments, inappropriate in a sexual context. Nothing grotesque or completely offensive, that wasn't his style. He was smooth and clever about it. Being all sweet and trying to make me feel like I really meant something to him. When really, I had become a conquest. Nick and his brother David were rivals toward the end and hadn't seen each other in years. I think this had become his personal goal, to _have _what his brother once had."

"And that was you?"

"That had become me. I knew what he was after and I held him off for a while. I was hoping that somehow they would send someone to rescue me and I would escape just in time. But real life doesn't work that way. He started with the wining and dining, but eventually he expected payment for his efforts. One night he came to my room," she said as she paused for a moment trying not to cry. "He said that it was time I started paying him some of what I owed him. I tried to push him away, but he pinned me against the bed. I had to remind myself that if I broke character he would kill me. I cried the entire time he was on top of me."

"Olivia, he raped you."

"I didn't fight him off and I didn't tell him no. I couldn't speak, I just kept seeing him kill that agent and I knew what he would do to me. I let him do it," she whispered as tears streamed from her eyes

She paused for a moment as she sobbed and the doctor handed her a box of tissues.

"We can take a break if you'd like. Or stop here for now," she said using her motherly voice once more as she tucked a stray strand of Olivia's hair into place. "This could be a good place to stop. Unless you feel like you need to talk more. Or you can save it for next time."

"I'm alright," she said softly. "I kind of feel like I want to get this all out now and not have to go through it again."

"You can tell me the whole story and we can just discuss it in later appointments. How much you feel compelled to tell me is completely up to you."

"Can I have some water?" Olivia asked nervously combing her fingers through her hair.

Her mouth and throat felt so dry and the room felt as if it were part of the Sahara. Her heart was racing and she wasn't sure how much longer she could continue with this story. She just wanted to get it all out. Get the words out of her mouth and the thoughts out of her mind. To get the dreams out of her head and the emotion out of her body. She wanted to be rid of Nicolai Deltorro once and for all. Or as far away as she could get from him, anyway.

She watched at the woman crossed the office pulling a bottle of spring water from the mini refrigerator by the desk and handed it to her.

"Are you sure you want to continue?" the woman asked studying Olivia's face and not her words for a genuine answer.

"I'm okay now," Olivia assured her as she twisted the cap back on the bottle and set it in the floor beside her feet. "I just spent so long trying to push all of this to the back of my mind, I guess I wasn't quite prepared to dig it all back up again."

"Take your time. I can stay as long as you'd like."

"My hour is almost up," Olivia said turning her attention to the timer on the woman's desk.

"I don't have anyone coming in for a while. It is alright if we run over a while. Talk as long as you need to, we are actually making some good progress and I think talking like this this time will make it easier for you to open up to me on your next visit."

"I really should go, though. Elliot is supposed to pick me up."

"You really care about him, don't you?"

Olivia looked up at the woman for a moment.

"Of course I do, he is my best friend."

"That isn't what I mean. Friendship aside, you trust him. You let him in."

"I guess so, yes."

"And that is why it is eating at you to keep all of this from him. You feel guilty for that you tell him everything and now there is something that you don't want him to know. So you are punishing yourself for it, emotionally. What do you think will happen if you sit down with him and tell him this story just the way you have done here with me today?"

"He'll be pissed off."

"At you?"

"No. At Deltorro. Even more than he is now."

"How will it effect the relationship between the two of you? Do you think he will love you less because of it?"

"No. That is silly."

"Than what makes it so hard for you to tell him?"

"I don't really know. It will hurt him. To know that this man….that these things happened and he was not able to prevent them, to protect me. He already feels so guilty because he knows there was sex and drugs involved and he knows that I was trapped in there with no help. I don't want him to feel bad because of something he had no control over."

"You do. You feel guilty for not being about to save that man that Nick murdered and all of the people his drugs killed. You feel responsible for letting Elliot down, for letting yourself down when Nick raped you. You feel like all of this was your fault and that is why you cannot move past it. You do not want to admit to yourself that you were a victim here. That these things happened and these people hurt you and you had no control over any of it."

"I am a cop, I am not supposed to be the victim."

"This was not in any way your fault, Olivia. It was out of your hands and out of your control. Everyone else knows that. You need to understand that."

"And that is what this is all about?"

"Now you are starting to understand it. Would you like to continue? We still have a little time before your session is over."

"I guess so. What do you want to talk about?"

"Why don't you tell me about the drug abuse? Your drug abuse. When did that start?"

"A few months after the sex. It was like Nick owned me now. I had become his property. There were drugs all over the boat. Everywhere and they were not shy about using them in front of me. I felt so lost inside and I just wanted so badly to go home. One night there was a party on the yacht and I walked in on Nick with two other girls. As much as this should have been a relief, I still felt a little hurt. As screwed up as it sounds when it felt nice to know that he wanted me, but now he stood here with someone else. Two some ones. I went into the bathroom to cry and stared at myself in the mirror for the longest time. It was like I didn't even know the woman looking back at me. There on the counter was a mirror with coke lines spread out on it. Party favors, Nick called them. He left stuff like this all around during his parties. I don't know what came over me."

"You tried the cocaine?"

"Yes. I was standing there and he came to the door. He was knocking and I knew what he wanted."

"Sex."

"Sex. He had finished with this little friends and wanted to make sure that I was not getting too close to someone else. It was like marking his territory."

"So he had sex with those women first and then he came after you."

"Yes. He never let me out of his sight. Almost like he somehow knew how badly I wanted to escape his grasp. He opened the bathroom door and we did the coke together. Then he lead me back to the bedroom and he…."

The woman nodded knowing exactly what he did and trying not to force Olivia to say it.

"Sex seemed easier with the cocaine. Easier to close my eyes and leave my body. Easier to let him do what he wanted and not have to care. It became my escape. When he was with me, I would just lay back and close my eyes and disappear. The drugs had complete control over my body, so he never knew the difference. That worked for a while."

"But not for good?"

"No. Eventually it took more and more to get me through the day. I needed the drugs like I needed air. I was hooked. And I knew how much trouble I was in, but I couldn't get through the day without it. And what is worse, it wasn't so numbing anymore. The emotional part, yes. But sometimes when Nick and I had sex I would….react. I felt him. And sometimes I even enjoyed it. I hated myself for it."

"It was just sex, Olivia. And your body and mind craving some kind of human compassion. And when you couldn't find it, you instinctively begin to look for it anywhere you can find it."

"Then months later, at another one of Nick's parties I looked up and there stood Elliot. I had never been so happy to see anyone in my life. Part of me wasn't really sure he wasn't a dream. Nick and his men made him and were going to kill him. I had to think of something or I was going to watch them kill my partner for trying to save me. I pulled some random story and managed to keep them at bay for a few days, but time was running out and they now expected me to kill Elliot."

"What did you do?"

"I took him out in the woods and shot him."

"You shot him?"

"Yes, and left him for dead. I was pretty sure that the wound wasn't fatal and I knew when he woke up he would find help for me. I knew he would come back for me."

"And he did?"

"He tried to. But Nick moved and they had no way of finding me. That was when I found out about the baby."

"You got pregnant?"

"I thought I did. I asked one of the guys, Vinny, to get me the test. Nick caught me with it and was so upset he beat me almost to death. He left me broken and bleeding in the hallway and I could barely move. Vinny helped me, he always kind of looked out for me."

"How did he help you?"

"He carried me to bed and kept checking on me. In the night I guess I got really bad and he took me to a hospital, even though Nick had told him not to. I woke up there a day or so later."

"And you lost the baby?"

"There never was a baby. The test was negative. A few days later Vinny's body turned up and Nick disappeared off the face of the Earth. Nick murdered his best friend because he helped me. If Vinny hadn't taken me to the hospital that night, I would have died. He saved my life. And he sacrificed his to do it."

"And Nick?"

"No one has seen or heard from him again. No one but me."

"He still comes after you?"

"In my dreams. I still see him there from time to time. And in the faces of strangers on the street. He is haunting me and I can't escape him. That is why I came here. The shrink from my work said that sometimes discussing it with someone can help."

"Sometimes. And I think that you have made some progress just sitting here and talking to me about it. Do you know what else I think would help you?"

"What?"

"If you could sit down with Elliot and tell him the things you have just told me. You are beating yourself up because you are hiding something from him. And it is something that I think he would be very understanding about. You are hurting inside because you want to be able to tell him, but you are afraid to. What do you think will happen if you talk to him?"

"We will cry."

"You will?"

"I think we both will. He has always been so protective over me. More than just a friend or a coworker. More like an older brother. He looks out for me and I know that he already feels guilty because it happened in the first place. He feels like he wasn't there for me, so I got hurt."

"And how do you feel about it?"

"I know it wasn't his fault. If he had known how bad things were, he would have been there. I know that, with out a doubt. I don't want him to feel responsible for anything that happened."

She watched the woman for a moment.

"You really think that I should talk to him, don't you?"

"I honestly think that it would help you both feel better about what is going on between you. He does not know all of the story, so naturally he is imagining the worst. He is hurting because he does not know how to fix this for you. And he won't, until he can fully understand all that happened. The things that happened, Olivia, the sexual and emotional and drug abuse….those were all very bad things that you survived. But honey, you are never going to fully recover from the emotional wounds they left behind until you can begin to feel like yourself in your own life again. And I don't think that will happen until…."

"Things are back to normal between Elliot and I. He wants to know what happened. But he is too polite to ask. He know that talking about it pains me, so he wont try to force it out of me. But I know that when I am ready to talk about it, he will be right there waiting to listen. I hate keeping secrets from him. I guess this isn't really a secret. I mean he already knows what happened, he just has not heard my side of the story. I should talk to him, right?"

"Do you think that at this point in your life right now it would make you feel better to discuss this with him?"

"I really do."

"Then yes, you should talk to him. But not unless you are sure that you are ready."

Olivia sat up and wiped her face with her hand as she heard the buzzer sound signaling that her session had now come to a close.

"I think this is a good place to stop for this session," the woman said standing and reaching to shake Olivia's hand. "I will see you in a couple of days?"

"Okay," Olivia said forcing a smile.

As awkward as it was talking this out with a complete stranger, she did feel a little better about this mess. Olivia shook the woman's hand and walked toward the elevators. Downstairs in front of the building was a warm familiar face waiting to welcome her with open arms. It felt so good to know that there was one person in the world who loved her more than anything and really was always there for her no matter what.

"Hey," Elliot said with a smile as he held open the car door for her.

"Hey," she replied hugging him tight as he closed his arms around her and held her for a moment.

"How did it go?"

"Good," she mumbled with her eyes still closed as she took in the security of his scent all around her.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Uhh huh," she said stepping back and smiling at him as she straightened his tie.

"What was that for?" he asked with a smile.

"Just….for being here," she said softly. "For always being here, no matter what."

He stared into her eyes and could tell she had been crying.

"What did this doctor do to you?" he asked tucking her hair behind her ear as he gazed into her eyes.

"Nothing," she said with a soft smile. "We just talked. About everything. And it felt good to say it all out loud for the first time. It was hard, but I think this is actually helping me."

"That is good. Liv, you know that I am always here…."

"I know," she said forcing a smile. "And I know that you want to….need to know what happened. And I promise you Elliot, that I will tell you everything. I don't like keeping things from you. I just need a little more time to sort it all out first."

"Take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere."

Olivia smiled and kissed his cheek as she climbed into the passengers seat of the car.

Three nights later….

Olivia sat up in the darkness of her bedroom. Her heart was pounding and the room seemed to be spinning as she tried to catch her breath. Earlier in the day she had her second appointment with her new therapist and all of this talking about things was really stirring up some suppressed emotion and memories.

She looked at the clock on the nightstand, it was just after three o'clock in the morning and most of the world was still asleep. Her night mares had become so real lately that when she finally did wake up she was physically exhausted from running and trying to fight off Deltorro and his men in her dreams.

She stood and tip toed quietly down the hall to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Getting back to sleep tonight probably wasn't likely, but there was no reason to wake Elliot either. Being the wonderful friend he was, Elliot had been camped out in her spare room just a few feet down the hall from her room since Olivia had returned home.

It made her feel safe to know he was just down the hall and Elliot drew comfort from knowing he was there if she needed him. So far this situation had worked out quite well for the both of them.

She sat the glass on the counter and walked quietly back down the hall toward her bedroom stopping for a moment at Elliot's door. She reached out and placed her fingertips against the door handle, pausing only for a second before she opened the door.

Elliot was sleeping soundly under the fluffy white down comforter. Olivia stepped forward to get a closer look as she studied the rise and fall of his chest with each breath he took. Things were so screwed up lately that she didn't know how she was supposed to feel about anyone or anything anymore. But somehow all along, Elliot had remained her anchor in the storm. He was the one thing in her world that was real.

Olivia turned to leave, but as she reached for the door she head his voice behind her.

"Liv? Is everything alright?" he asked propping himself up on his elbows to look at her in the darkness.

She couldn't speak, instead she nodded slowly.

"Another bad dream?" he asked as she folded her arms in front of her.

Elliot pulled back the blanket and scooted over patting the bed beside him.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He watched as she hesitated only for a moment before making her way to his side. When she was tucked into the bed beside her friend and truly felt safe once more, Olivia looked across the pillow at him.

"Go ahead," Elliot encouraged her.

"I still remember the first time he touched me," she began in an eerie sort of whisper as Elliot stared into her eyes.

Elliot knew that this was the first of many steps of this journey they would have to take together, to fully bring her back to him.


	8. 8 Fear

_Fallen_

_(Chapter Eight: Fear)_

Olivia laid sleeping in her bed. The room was dark and the air was thick with humidity. Across the room an oscillating fan circulated a bit of stale air through the room.

She hadn't been sleeping well, but exhaustion had finally taken it's toll on her. Perhaps that is why she didn't hear the stranger when as he made his way down the hallway to her bedroom. He walked slowly dragging his gloved fingertips along the wall. In his left hand he clutched a large hunting knife and he stopped for a moment to smell the air just before he entered the room.

Olivia had showered just before bed and she smell of her wildflower shampoo still hung in the air. He raised the blade to his mouth, holding it between his teeth as he slowly turned the handle on the door, careful not to make a sound. He walked slowly around the bed, noticing the bottle of prescription sleeping pills on the night stand beside the bed. She wasn't waking up anytime soon.

The stranger stood there for a moment staring down over her as Olivia slept peacefully, not suspecting a thing. He slipped his right hand from the leather glove he wore, he just had to touch her. He reached down and brushed the hair back from her face, she was more beautiful than he had imagined she would be.

He cleared his throat, waiting to see if she would stir. But Olivia didn't move. He smiled as he thought of all of the dirty things he would like to do to her. The man reached up and gently touched the side of her face. She was so warm and sweet.

He pulled back the thin sheet that covered her body and smoothed his hand gently up the inside of her thigh. Olivia stirred a little, but didn't wake. He smiled as he ran his fingertips along the black lace on the bottom of her night gown as it laid against her knee.

"Nice," he whispered in the darkness as he made up his mind exactly what he wanted to do to her.

He reached into his wallet and pulled out a condom, tearing the wrapper with his teeth. He climbed slowly onto the bed, placing one of his knees on each side of hers and reached to unzip his pants. He leaned forward and smelled her hair, he groaned and smiled as he reached to touch himself.

The sight of her was just too much, he had to kiss her. He leaned in to her once more a kissed her cheek. He took his hand and moved her knees apart as he pressed his mouth to hers.

As he did, Olivia opened her eyes. She stared up at him in fear as the face of the man above her began to come into focus.

"No," she gasped as she suddenly realized what it was he was trying to do.

Olivia moved, trying to get out from under him. But he blocked every attempt.

"What do you want?" she asked, her eyes filled with fear as she stared up at him.

"You know what I want," he replied placing one hand around her throat and using it to hold her against the bed as he struggled to put the condom on.

Olivia gasped for breath, trying to scream. But he tightened his grip around her throat. She moved the only hand she could get free and began punching him as hard as she could in the face.

"Hold still, you little bitch! I can do this now or after I cut your throat, you decide," he yelled slamming her back against the bed as he raised the other hand and used them both to choke the breath out of her.

Olivia gasped for air, but it was no use. She couldn't breathe and she was getting light headed. She fought as hard as she could, but she was starting to lose consciousness.

Elliot was sound asleep when he heard her scream. Olivia sat up in the bed gasping for air as tears streamed down both side of her face.

"Liv, sweetheart," he said reaching beside him to turn on the light. "It was just a dream. Honey, it is all just a really bad dream."

She gasped and clutched at her throat as she sobbed.

"Olivia," Elliot said turning her to face him. "Look at me baby."

She stared at him as she tried to catch her breath.

"It was so real," she whispered. "He was here. He was in this bed and he was going to kill me. He was…."

"Shhh," he said slipping his arms tight around her and pulling her in against his chest. "I am right here. And I am not going to let anyone hurt you."

Olivia closed her eyes and fell into him.

"You should try to get some rest," Elliot said lowering her back against the bed.

"I can't sleep now. He's in my head," she said looking at him in tears again. "Like he is waiting there for me….to get me when I fall asleep."

"It was a nightmare, Liv. Nobody is going to hurt you. Not on my watch."

"It was just all so real. Like I was watching it in a movie."

"Do you want to tell me about it? Would that make you feel better?"

She exhaled and rolled over to look at him.

"I know it has been a while since you got to sleep in your own bed and you are probably getting pretty sick of me asking, but…."

Elliot smiled.

"I don't mind at all," he said kissing her forehead.

"Really?"

"Sure. If it would make you feel better and help you be able to rest."

He stood up and made his way across the room.

"Wait, I meant you sleep in here."

"I know what you meant. I'm gonna grab my blanket from the sofa and get you some water. I will be right back and I am just down the hall if you need me."

Olivia smiled and nodded as she sat back down in the bed.

"Wait El, can you…."

"I'm checking all of the locks on the windows and doors as well," he called to her down the hallway and Olivia smiled.

Moments later he returned to the bedroom and shut off the hall light.

"All locked up safe and sound," he said trying to assure her she was safe. "And I am putting my gun right here in the night stand just incase."

"You must really think I'm crazy."

"Not at all. I think you have been through a tough time and you are having a little trouble sleeping, that's all."

"I never had nightmares as a child. Now it is like I can't get them to go away. And these stupid pills are no help," she said taking the prescription bottle from the dresser and tossing it into the trash can.

"They don't help at all?"

"They make me tired. But what is the point in staying asleep if it just traps you inside a horrible dream?"

"No more bad dreams," he said kissing her forehead and staring into her eyes.

"That's it? You worked your magic and now the curse is lifted," she joked.

Elliot smiled.

"My kids all went through stages where they had nightmares. I got them through it and I am gonna get you through it, too."

"Did you get them an exorcism?"

"No," he said settling into the pillow on his side of the bed.

"How did you do it?" she asked softly.

Elliot raised the blanket and patted the space right next to him. Olivia scooted in next to him laid her head against his chest.

"I would sit with them at night until they fell asleep," he said softly. "Then they felt safe, they knew they were safe and things weren't so scary anymore. Eventually the bad dreams just went away."

"But what if they never go away?"

"Then I will have to sleep here beside you forever," he said and she smiled. "You know, sometimes talking about it really does help," he said kissing the back of her head.

She was quiet for a moment.

"Was it Deltorro?" he asked.

Olivia rolled onto her back to look up at him.

"One of his men. I don't know his name, but I have seen him before."

"What happened?"

"It is like I am watching a scene from a movie. I can see him walking down the hall and he comes in here and watches me sleep. He has a knife and he is here to kill me. This time he was trying to rape me when I woke up in the dream. He was choking me and I couldn't breathe. God it was so real. I could feel his hands tighten around my throat. And I kept trying to scream."

"You did scream. And I was right down the hall and now I am here and it is all over."

"But what if it isn't?"

"You think Nick is after you?"

"I don't know what to think anymore," she whispered softly. "But he has killed before. And he knows I am alive and that I know all of the things he has done."

"Do you think he made you for a cop?"

"I don't think so. I mean he hadn't before I was taken to the hospital or he would have already killed me. But I'm a loose end, El. As long as I am alive, I am a threat to him. And when he is ready, he will come for me. There is nothing I can do to stop him."

"How do you even know he will come after you?"

"Because I know things. Things that could put him away for a long time and take down his entire operation. Even if he hasn't figured out by now that I am a cop, I am sure it wont take long. And the moment he realizes that you are still alive, he will be after you, too. If he has men tracking me, if they are watching my every move, then I am sure they have already reported back to him that I am with you. And it wont take him long to put two and two together and make me for a cop. I'm in a whole lot of trouble, Elliot. I am in way over my head here and maybe it would be best if you just weren't around me for a while. You are putting yourself in danger."

"You think this mob guy is out to get you and you really expect me to get up and walk away leaving you here by yourself? You're nuts. Besides, you said yourself that once he realizes I am alive I am already going to be on Deltorro's shit list. So I might as well stick around and keep you company."

"I don't have a family to worry about. I don't have kids."

"I'll have Kathy pack up and go to her mother's until this is all over. Cragen can send a patrol to keep an eye on them."

"It isn't safe here."

"You're exactly right. I think maybe we should leave for a little while. Just you and me. Go somewhere where we don't have to worry about any of this for a while. You are off work for a little while and I can take a leave of absence. And we can just go."

"Go where?"

"Go anywhere."

"Somewhere you can feel safe for a while. And it will give us a little time to think."

"Are you sure this is what you want to do?"

"I want to protect you. And right now this is the only way I know how."

"So we're going into hiding?"

"Only until I can figure out how to stop this monster. I won't let him hurt you again."

Olivia nestled in against him as Elliot tightened his arms protectively around her.

"I love you, El."

"I love you too, sweetheart," he said kissing her tenderly. "Now close your pretty eyes and lets try to get some rest."

"Okay," she said softly as Elliot reached up and turned out the light.


	9. 9 Escape

_Fallen_

_(Chapter Nine: Escape)_

Olivia's eyes fluttered open to stare at the long sheer curtains that hung over the balcony door as they danced in the light breeze. The thick humid air made it almost hard to breathe and a thin layer of sweat covered her golden skin.

She sat up stretched as she looked beside her at the empty place where Elliot had slept the night before. She twisted her neck to pop it and reached up to pull the chain and turn up the ceiling fan above the bed.

"It is so damn hot," she groaned as she walked across the room to stare out the balcony door.

"Good morning sleepy head," Elliot said from across the balcony.

"How long have you been up?"

"It is almost ten thirty. I ordered coffee," he said pointing to the breakfast spread on the table in front of him.

Olivia smiled and sat down at the table across from him.

"You ordered so much food, there are only two of us."

"Well, I need to put a little weight back on you. I'm gonna take good care of you, Olivia. Just like I promised."

"You have always taken good care of me," she said leaning forward to kiss him as she stole his glass of orange juice.

Elliot laughed.

"It's beautiful here," Elliot said looking out over the sparkling blue of the water.

"It is. I just don't understand why you couldn't pick a hotel with air conditioning," she joked.

"It's a cabaña on the beach. And I thought it would be a good place for the two of us to just get away from it all. To take a little time out and allow you time to get back in touch with yourself."

"I still don't understand how you got work to pay for a trip for two to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico."

She stared at him for a moment as Elliot began to smile.

"They didn't pay for this, did they?" she asked.

"Not exactly," he said scratching the back of his neck as he smiled a guilty smile.

"Elliot!"

"They weren't willing to pay for much."

"How much?"

"Hoboken."

"So the drug lord who is trying to kill me is in the city searching for me and they are willing to send me all the way to New Jersey to keep me safe?"

"Those damn budget cuts," Elliot joked.

"They really know how to make a girl feel safe."

"I told you I would take care of you."

"How can you afford this?"

"I'd been saving for a vacation for a couple of years and never took the time. Now I have cashed in the vacation days to spend an amazing couple of weeks in paradise with the one person I have always wanted to share it with," he replied tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and kissing her tenderly. "Trust me, this is exactly what you need."

Olivia smiled.

"I think you're right. This could be exactly what I need," she said leaning back against her chair and propping her feet up.

After breakfast they took a stroll on the beach and before long found themselves sipping ice cold lemonade while they laid together in a hammock in the shade.

"This is the life," Elliot said as he closed his arms around her and pressed his lips to hers. "Relaxing here with a cold drink in one hand and a beautiful woman in a bikini wrapped up in the other…..this is better than any vacation I have ever had before."

Olivia giggled at the brush of his five o'clock shadow against her skin.

"Do you think they're gonna find Nick?" she asked and he could tell that this was the one thought that always lingered somewhere in the back of her mind.

"It might take a little while, but we're never gonna give up the search. How do you even know he is looking for you? This man deals with major drug runners and million dollar deals every day. Maybe we got lucky and he isn't worried about you. He has probably left the city and moved his business somewhere far from there so we wouldn't find him."

"No, he is after me. I can feel it. And I know the way he thinks. He wont give up until he finds me and he kills me. I'm a loose end. Nick doesn't like loose ends."

"Nick doesn't like cops either, so I'm guessing that puts me at the top of his shit list as well," Elliot joked trying to lighten the mood a bit.

"Me surviving was not part of his plan. I seem to be a major glitch in the program here. Aside from that, it is personal now. I belonged to him. I was his property….in his mind. And he isn't going to just stand by while I run off and live happily ever after. He wanted me dead and he will seek a personal vengeance for me messing everything up."

"He doesn't know you're a cop. He doesn't know anything real about you."

"He has men, El. Enough men to run his own small country. If they want me bad enough, they will find me."

"Not if we find them first," he said kissing her on the forehead. "I know you're worried, but try not to think about it now. These next couple of weeks are a worry free time," he said with a smile. "Downtime. A much needed rest for the both of us. Together."

Olivia smiled as she raised up to kiss him.

"I guess there are more important things for me to focus on," she whispered as she kissed him again. "Like us."

"Liv, you know there is no rush."

"What are you talking about?"

"With us," he explained lovingly smoothing his fingertip across her forehead. "We are good here. Like this. We can just take things slow and just enjoy being together."

Olivia smiled.

"You're not rushing me, El."

"It doesn't seem like this is moving a little fast. I know you have a lot going on right now."

"Do you think we should slow things down?"

"That's not exactly what I am trying to say," he replied thinking for a moment about how to word his thoughts. "I am comfortable with the way things are….and I want definitely more….eventually. I just want you to take your time figuring all of this out. Olivia, I love you. I know that much. And if we stay the way we are right now, for a week or a month or even a year….that's alright with me."

"Are you trying to tell me that you don't want to have sex with me?" she asked half joking and half confused.

"I am trying to tell you that I don't want to have sex with you….until you are ready to take that step. I will wait for you. Gladly."

He watched as a soft smile slowly spread across her face.

"That is very sweet of you. You are such a gentleman about it, Elliot and I appreciate that you are so understanding with me."

"You are a lady and you deserve a gentleman."

"But I am okay, really. I love you, too. And I want to be with you. I am ready."

"You want to be with me?" he asked with a sexy smile. "You mean like sex?"

"Yes," she replied with a smile, "I mean sex. If you are ready, that is?"

"Well, I'm not gonna lie. It has been a while. But I think I can remember how it's done."

Olivia laughed.

"So, why don't we make a plan?"

"A plan for sex?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. We could make an evening of it."

"The sex?" she asked with a playful laugh.

"The plan," he answered. "A romantic dinner, maybe a little dancing. A moonlit walk on the beach and a couple of glasses of wine."

"I like this plan," she said kissing him tenderly.

"So do I."

_**Four hours later…..**_

Elliot stood on the beach alone staring out at the reflection of the full moon against the midnight colored waters of the ocean. He closed his eyes, drawing in a deep breath of the salty sea air and smiled as the seductive smell of her sexy perfume reached his nose.

"Hey handsome," Olivia said from behind him in a sultry voice.

"Hey beautiful," he replied turning around to reveal the single white rose he held in his hand.

Olivia smiled and smelled the rose.

"White roses are my favorite."

"I know."

She giggled.

"You look…." Elliot shook his head as he looked her over head to toe and tried to think of the right word.

"Good?"

"Better than good….gorgeous."

She smiled again.

"Thank you. You look pretty good yourself. I can't believe you actually brought a suit on this trip," she said twisting his tie in her fingers.

"I thought it might come in handy, should I meet a beautiful woman on the beach on a night like tonight. I must be psychic," he said with a wink.

"Must be," she agreed as he wrapped his arms around her.

Olivia laid her head against his chest as they began to slow dance to the sound of the waves crashing against the shore. They danced for a while making their way down the beach. Olivia slipped off her strappy heels and let her toes sink into the sand.

"I love it here," she mumbled against his chest.

"So do I. Mexico is beautiful."

She smiled.

"I meant here," she replied looking up at him as she placed her palm against his chest.

Elliot laughed.

"Oh. I love it here too," he replied kissing her in a slow steamy kiss.

"Mmmm," Olivia mumbled as their lips parted and she tipped her head back to stare into his eyes once more. "Are we going to miss our reservation?"

"Reservation?"

"You didn't make a reservation?" she asked.

"Uhh, no. I didn't. I guess we will just have to improvise," he replied dipping her.

Olivia laughed as he leaned her back and a faint sparkle caught her eye.

"Oh El," she said as he raised her back to her feet.

"Do you like it?"

"I love it! It is so beautiful," she replied making her way to the little candle lit table he'd set up right there on the beach. "No one's ever done anything like this for me before," she confessed as she dragged her fingertip over the back of a chair and turned her attention to the white roses in a vase in the center of the table. "More roses?"

"It has eleven friends," he said as he popped the cork out of the wine bottle and poured two glasses.

"How did you pull this off?"

"Well, I got the word out that I was trying to impress a lovely lady."

"And people around here just jumped to help you out?" she asked as she sat in the chair he'd pulled out for her and Elliot took his seat.

"It helped that I am a very good tipper. I wanted to make it worth their while," he said with a wink. "I hope you don't mind, I took the liberty of ordering. That way we didn't have to wait."

"I don't mind."

"Do you like lobster?"

Olivia smiled.

"Love it!"

"Good. It came highly recommended by several of the other guests."

They laughed and talked over dinner as they shared a bottle of wine. Later they stood to dance together in the moonlight once more. Olivia slipped her hand into his and lead him toward the room. She smiled a seductive smile as she slid the card key into the lock on the door and pushed it open.

She tossed her shoes aside and began to undo his tie and unbutton his shirt. Olivia smiled as she pushed his suit jacket off his shoulders and into the floor. She turned around and walked toward the bed as she reached behind her to unzip her dress.

She stopped for a moment toss a sexy glance at Elliot over her shoulder, then turned to face him and let the dress fall to the floor around her feet.

Before long they were making love. It was slow and sexy and romantic. It was hot and the most incredible sex either of them had ever had. Afterward they curled up together and held each other as they slept peacefully through the night. No worries, no nightmares. Only peaceful slumber, safe in the arms of the arms of love.

The next morning Olivia groaned as Elliot sat up in the bed and reached for his boxers in the floor. She tucked the sheet tightly around her body and rolled over to look at him.

"Where are you going?" she whispered as she smiled at him.

"Just to the bathroom," he said leaning down to kiss her. "I'll be right back, I promise."

"Good," she said arching her back in the bed as she stretched. "Because I think I could use a little more of what you gave me last night," she giggled.

"Oh, there is plenty more where that come from," he teased as he stepped into the bathroom and pushed the door shut behind him.

Olivia exhaled and smiled as she picked up his pillow to smell it. It was covered with the scent of Elliot's cologne. She laid the pillow over her face for a moment and squealed into it in excitement. Never before had she felt this way about anyone and the fact that this wonderful man also happened to be her best friend was just an added bonus.

Just then there was a knock at the door. Olivia dropped the pillow and sat up once more holding the sheet around her. As the second knock echoed through the room, Elliot stepped out of the bathroom.

"Who is that?" he asked looking at her.

"I don't know. I'm not exactly expecting company."

"Just a second," he called out as he grabbed a pair of shorts and a tee shirt from the suitcase he still hadn't unpacked.

Olivia watched from the bed as he made his way across the room and disappeared behind the half wall. She listened as he spoke to someone for a few seconds and she heard the door shut.

"Who was it?"

"The waiter from last night. He came to return your roses," Elliot replied stepping back into the room with the vase of roses. "He brought them in and they kept them behind the front desk last night."

Olivia giggles playfully.

"I guess in all of the excitement, I forgot to carry them up."

"I guess so," Elliot replied sitting the vase on the dresser and climbing back into bed beside his girlfriend.


End file.
